A New Poop - Chapter I

Inside the Dog Blockade Runner, Captain Barkingkeys ordered the Rebel Doggies to draw their laser bones and take up positions around the forward hatch. Princess Leapa took her own laser bone and went to find R2-Bark2. Two flares spurted to life on opposite sides of the hatch and sped along the frame toward each other. When they met, there was a terrific explosion, and the hallway was launched into chaos. Bones fired from outside of the hatch and ten Pawtroopers leaped into the hallway, bones blazing. Captain Barkingkeys aimed at the first Pawtrooper and fired twelve shots. Five of them hit the Pawtrooper in the head, the right arm, the chest, the laser bone and the left leg, resulting with seven missed shots and a stumbling, tripping Pawtrooper that finally fell and lay twitching. Captain Barkingkeys noticed that two other Pawtroopers were on the floor, one of them still alive and using the body of his dead comrade all the while firing at Captain Barkingkeys' men. Then, in the midst of the battle, his rank as an elite Pawtrooper was suddenly cut short...by a stray blaster bolt. Captain Barkingkeys and the two remaining Rebel Doggies fled down a hallway and stopped at a corner. Three shots were fired. A Pawtrooper and a Rebel Doggie hit the ground, and the third shot passed by harmlessly and hit the wall, and the chase continued.

Back in the main hallway, a dark figure in a black cloak and wearing a black helmet stepped into the corridor. His name was Meow Vader, and he was a furball, one of the only two furballs in the galaxy. He carried a bonesaber whose blade was blood red. “Hhh-purr, hhh-purr” went Meow Vader's breathing mask. Meow Vader inspected the main hallway for a second, made sure that enemies were dead, and followed the path Captain Barkingkeys went.

Princess Leapa entered the escape pod bay and found R2-Bark2. R2 opened the disc drive and Princess Leapa slipped a CD in. R2 turned his head and projected a picture on the wall. All of a sudden, loud music started playing and a movie titled Monty Python and The Holy Grail started playing. Princess Leapa stared, and then pulled the CD out. The movie stopped short and Princess Leapa pulled out a hologram chip. She held it in R2-Bark2's disc drive long enough for R2-Bark2 to copy the message, then pulled it out, and R2 wobbled away out of sight. All of a sudden, four Pawtroopers entered the escape pod bay. “Set your weapons for stun.” The commander ordered. The four Pawtroopers slowly searched the escape pod bay. Princess Leapa ducked out of sight and pulled out her bone. She peeked out at the Pawtroopers. One saw her and Princess Leapa ducked out of sight again, but it was too late. The four Pawtroopers rushed down the hallway to capture her, but Princess Leapa fired her bone and one Pawtrooper bit the dust. Princess Leapa aimed again, but the commander caught her with a stun beam, and Princess Leapa fell to the ground, unconscious. “She'll be all right.” He said.

Meow Vader stood holding Captain Barkingkeys by the neck. “Where are the secret plans?” Meow Vader questioned. “We don't...have...any secret...plans. This is a...consular...ship.”The choking Captain Barkingkeys said. “If this is a consular ship, where is the ambassador?” Meow Vader asked. Captain Barkingkeys lost consciousness and Meow Vader threw him at the wall. A Pawtrooper walked up and said “Sir. The secret plans are not in the main computer.” “Fine. Search the ship for prisoners, I want them alive!” “Very well, Lord Vader!” and the Pawtroopers rushed off to do Meow Vader's bidding.

C-Barkapo walked through the escape pod bay, looking for R2-Bark2. “R2-Bark2, where are you?” C-Barkapo called. Then C-Barkapo saw R2 next to Princess Leapa. “There you are!” C-Barkapo cried out. R2-Bark2 wobbled down to an escape pod entry, but C-Barkapo protested. “What are you doing? Droids aren't allowed in there!” “Beep-boop beep.” was R2's only reply. C-Barkapo walked over to R2-Bark2, narrowly avoiding a blaster shot. The door to the escape pod opened and R2-Bark2 wheeled in. “Wait! Wait!” C-Barkapo cried. “Blaaap.” said R2. C-Barkapo walked into the escape pod, saying, “Oh, I'm going to regret this.” The door closed, and the escape pod was released, then the thrusters engaged and the escape pod was propelled towards Tatooine.

On board the Scratch Destroyer, an Imperial gunner saw the escape pod and aimed at it, but an Imperial Meowfficer said, “Let it go. It hasn't got any life forms in it. Probably malfunctioned.” So the gunner paid no attention to it.

End of Chapter I

Book 1: A New Poop - Prologue

Deep in space, a small ship hurtled by. It was the Dog Blockade Runner. Behind it (imagine you're looking at a movie screen) a HUGE ship filled the entire screen. It was a famous Scratch Destroyer, one of many that belonged to the Cats. Guns blazing, the Scratch Destroyer chased down the Dog Blockade Runner (Just in case you didn't know, a Scratch Destroyer is shaped like a triangular scratching post). Finally, the Scratch Destroyer scored a hit on the Dog Blockade Runner's main power generator. The Dog Blockade Runner slowed to a halt, and after some bumps, crashes, scrapes, and insults(such as “@#$!%&* tractor beam” or “Why am I assigned to this $#!%&* Ship?” and other rude words), the Scratch Destroyer snared the Dog Blockade Runner in its tractor beam and pulled it into the main hangar.

Pet Wars: The Original Trilogy - Cast

Dogs (Rebel Alliance)
Chew Skywalker (Luke)
Barka (Yoda)
Obi-Wag (Obi-Wan)
Chewie (Chewbacca)
Han Fetcho (Han Solo)
Princess Leapa Organa (Leia)
Captain Barkingkeys (Antilles)
Rebel Doggies (Troopers)
C-Barkapo (3P0)
R2-Bark2 (D2)

Vehicles (Rebel Alliance)

Millennium Dogbed (Falcon)
Dogwing Type 1 (X-wing)
Dogwing Type 2 (Y-wing)
Dogwing Type 3 (B-wing)
Dogwing Type 4 (A-wing)
Snowdog(Snowspeeder)
Dog Blockade Runner (Rebel)
Dogspeeder (Landspeeder)

Cats (Galactic Empire)

Meow Vader (Darth)
The Meowpurroar (Emperor)
Grand Meow Tarkin (Moff)
Imperial Meowfficers (officers)
Pawtroopers (Stormtroopers)
Hiss Fighter Pilots (TIE)

Vehicles (Galactic Empire)

Death Scratch (Star)
Scratch Destroyer (Star)
Meow Vader's Hiss Fighter (TIE)
Hiss Fighters (TIE)
Hiss Advanced x1 (TIE)
Hiss Interceptor (TIE)
Meow-Meow (AT-AT)
Meow-Tail (AT-ST)

Birds(Neutral)

Jabba the Bird (Hutt)
Tusken Birdies (Raiders)
Beaka Fett (Boba)
Beassk (Bossk)
Birdar (Dengar)
IG-Birdie8 (IG-88)

Vehicles(Birds)

Bird 1 (Slave)
Sail Bird (Barge)
Desert Poo (Skiff)

Animals(Chickens)

The Sarbok (Sarlaac)
Dewboks (Dewbacks)
Chickenas (Banthas)